這個月被切成了一半，接下來就是嶄新的生活。
於是我在嶄新生活之前讓自己放縱了幾天，
心情覺得非常舒暢～
只要能少掉那些奇怪的衛道人士。。。
（我不是已經脫離那個假道學的產業了嗎？所以可以不要再靠近嚕～）
連續幾場喝酒和吃飯的攤，好像覺得有些許空洞，
但又不免讓酒精填滿了腦袋與心靈，
終於可以把那些討人厭的事情拋到腦後，
在交出識別證的那一刻，再多油膩的脂肪頓時間都輕盈了起來。
我不得不說可以不用再說話小心翼翼的感覺真得好令人開勳。。。
接下來就是希望不要再有那種「是為了你好」的態度出現了。
我的生活是我的事情，沒有人可以來管教。
能不能活很久或是什麼是健康的什麼是危險的，
不就是我自己來決定嗎？
我實在不知道每次這些回應，跟我之前所處環境不能罵「馬的」有什麼差別？
=============================================================
那天算了一下文字紀錄，
這些點滴，一直放在心底。
即使只有一點點，即使從來沒有回應，
但一種詭譎的心安感，
居然是從一個完全不可能心安的地方得到。
不知道為什麼，一直都只有這種狀態，
可以讓我平衡。
============================================================
在我跟C說了這麼多像是自白的話語，
我突然驚覺了GA S7ep22裡的片段。。。
Meredith:
"There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone.
It wasn't 'cause I thought I'd be happy alone.
It was because I thought if I loved someone, and then it fell apart, I might not make it.
It's easier to be alone.
Because what if you learn that you need love?
And then you don't have it?
What if you like it?
And lean on it?
What if you shape your life around it?
And then... it falls apart?
Can you even survive that kind of pain?
Losing love is like organ damage.
It's like dying.
The only difference is... death ends.
This...? It could go on forever."
也許就是因為這樣，我們選擇了比較輕鬆的那一面。
也許就是因為這樣，我的自私曾經也傷害過你或是你的她。
但再來一次，我還是會做一樣的選擇。
I know it could go on forever.
and I choose to own this pain.
I'm not like you.
I'm just who I am.
And one day, you will let me go.
But I'm sure that I will leave you before the day u letting me go.
You don't know.
the truth is...you don't need me anymore.
It's like a habit, you have to quit it.
As for me,
I know that I m not the one for you.
Not anymore.
and not that so important...in your mind.
Sorry I wrote that kind of words.
but seriously, you don't even care...
於是我在嶄新生活之前讓自己放縱了幾天，
心情覺得非常舒暢～
只要能少掉那些奇怪的衛道人士。。。
（我不是已經脫離那個假道學的產業了嗎？所以可以不要再靠近嚕～）
連續幾場喝酒和吃飯的攤，好像覺得有些許空洞，
但又不免讓酒精填滿了腦袋與心靈，
終於可以把那些討人厭的事情拋到腦後，
在交出識別證的那一刻，再多油膩的脂肪頓時間都輕盈了起來。
我不得不說可以不用再說話小心翼翼的感覺真得好令人開勳。。。
接下來就是希望不要再有那種「是為了你好」的態度出現了。
我的生活是我的事情，沒有人可以來管教。
能不能活很久或是什麼是健康的什麼是危險的，
不就是我自己來決定嗎？
我實在不知道每次這些回應，跟我之前所處環境不能罵「馬的」有什麼差別？
=============================================================
那天算了一下文字紀錄，
這些點滴，一直放在心底。
即使只有一點點，即使從來沒有回應，
但一種詭譎的心安感，
居然是從一個完全不可能心安的地方得到。
不知道為什麼，一直都只有這種狀態，
可以讓我平衡。
============================================================
在我跟C說了這麼多像是自白的話語，
我突然驚覺了GA S7ep22裡的片段。。。
Meredith:
"There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone.
It wasn't 'cause I thought I'd be happy alone.
It was because I thought if I loved someone, and then it fell apart, I might not make it.
It's easier to be alone.
Because what if you learn that you need love?
And then you don't have it?
What if you like it?
And lean on it?
What if you shape your life around it?
And then... it falls apart?
Can you even survive that kind of pain?
Losing love is like organ damage.
It's like dying.
The only difference is... death ends.
This...? It could go on forever."
也許就是因為這樣，我們選擇了比較輕鬆的那一面。
也許就是因為這樣，我的自私曾經也傷害過你或是你的她。
但再來一次，我還是會做一樣的選擇。
I know it could go on forever.
and I choose to own this pain.
I'm not like you.
I'm just who I am.
And one day, you will let me go.
But I'm sure that I will leave you before the day u letting me go.
You don't know.
the truth is...you don't need me anymore.
It's like a habit, you have to quit it.
As for me,
I know that I m not the one for you.
Not anymore.
and not that so important...in your mind.
Sorry I wrote that kind of words.
but seriously, you don't even care...
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